I've hesitated to to start a blog and "put it all out there" but I believe I'm just going to act on faith and do this. I've written a couple of other post, prior to this one but haven't yet "published" anything I've written for others to see...until tonight.
I think this is going to be great way to document our journey to becoming a family...and with that being said, I have some very exciting news to write about tonight.
Yesterday evening we were accepted in the adoption agency that was number one on our list! We are thrilled!!
That's right folks...we are now in the process of adopting, and might you like to know where?! The country we chose is Ethiopia! I can't even begin to tell you how excited, nervous, anxious, blessed, did I say excited? We realize that this is only one small victory, and we have many more to come throughout this process, but for tonight I'm just going to enjoy the feeling of knowing that we are one small step closer to meeting our baby. So blessed to be on this journey.
As I start writing, I'm not so sure how honest I want to be...well, maybe honest isn't the best word. I guess I'm not sure how much of this I want to share. We'll see how this goes...
I don't really know what to say about infertility. Shaun and I knew we wanted to adopt, but we also had a deep desire to create life together, so we tried for two years. They were the toughest years for us, for many reasons. We did everything we could for this dream of ours to become a reality. After trying on our own for a year, we went to a fertility a specialist and for several months I was poked and prodded, given shot and after shot, placed on hormones, in and out of doctor's offices, told good news, followed by bad news. The emotional toll was incredibly difficult. We had moments of shear joy, quickly followed by waves of sorrow. We lost friends along way, I suppose because they didn't know how to handle our situation. I was very open in sharing what we were going through, the only purpose being because I needed so much support and encouragement. I guess they didn't know how to treat us, when they were bouncing a baby on their hip, or they had a a nice round belly. Funny thing is all we wanted was support, encouragement and to be treated the same. I don't regret sharing what I was going through, because through that I realized who I needed to be leaning on for strength and encouragement--God. And I did, and he provided.
He was with me during my lowest moments, somehow in the midst of it giving me peace. He gave me a mom who was strong for me when I was weak, cried with me when I needed to cry, and laughed with me when I needed a good laugh. He gave me a dad who continued to teach me about faith, being faithful and what it means to place your trust in God....teaching me that whatever tomorrow brings, I will be okay because I have Jesus. He provided friends and family who went through every step of it with us, friends who prayed for us and genuinely cared. He gave me a husband, whose faith in God's plan taught me so much about him and our marriage. A husband who just loved me and continues to.
I wouldn't trade 1000 days of joy for the moments I went through in those two years, because it brought me closer to God and many others. He continues to heal my heart, while I continue to place my trust in Him. One of many Third Day songs that I love.
I'm not quite sure how to start this, all I know is that over the past couple of months I have found such strength and hope in reading stories of how so many others have faced similar challenges, as Shaun and I have. So through the process of that...I've decided to start my own blog. I'm hoping, more than anything, that others will find strength in the stories I share, as I found strength in theirs. In addition, I feel this is a great way to share this new journey of adoption with those that Shaun and I love so much.
So here it goes...God be with me. The "journey", as I've called it, started almost two years ago, in December of 2010. It started after after Shaun and I visited a place in Haiti, Children of the Promise. Children of the Promise is an orphanage that my mom and dad have been serving at for several years, prior to Shaun and I going. We had been married for year two years, and were both beginning to get "baby fever"; however, we wanted to take one last trip before we started. After praying, and talking about it, we decided to make "our last trip"- Haiti. As I type this, my eyes begin to feel with tears and my heart aches, yet rejoices. We were forever changed, for many reasons, but mainly because of our Sabyna. The night we arrived to the orphanage we were given Sabyna to care for. Her mom had to make the toughest decision, yet best decision, to take Sabyna and her twin sister, Sabyne, to Children of the Promise, after their dad died in the earthquake. Their mom was unable to care for them and she had to decide between keeping her daughters or taking them to an orphanage, where she knew they would receive the basic needs they needed to, hopefully, survive.
So, with an open-heart, we took Sabyna in our arms that night, and we were never same. You see, there is something that happens to your heart, when you are given a baby, who has no one and they are looking up at you, in dead of the night...I can never find the words to explain it, I never have and never will. What I do know is that Sabyna was our baby and no one can tell us any different. We spent the next 7 days, loving her like crazy, waking up to explosive diapers with her grinning in her play pen, from ear to ear, as she was covered in a mess, we spent hours rocking her, changing the messiest of diapers, sleeping with her on our chest, reading books to her...every minute falling more and more in love with her. Eventually, our week was up and we headed back to the States, knowing without any doubt that the Lord had given us a gift, the gift of knowing that our purpose in life was to adopt, to bring a baby in our lives and give them love that they would never know and more importantly, God gave us a love that we would have never know--had it not been for Sabyna. He showed us such grace by giving us her. Although, she is no longer with us, I know that in her last weeks she was given so much love, and in that I can find peace. I don't understand a lot of things in this life, and I'm beginning to be okay with that, because I know that God works in all things for good. So, I don't have to understand, in fact, I never will, but what I will do is continue to choose to place my faith in God, and trust in HIS plan, as hard as that is at times. In closing, I'll leave you with a couple of pictures.
