Infertility.

As I start writing, I'm not so sure how honest I want to be...well, maybe honest isn't the best word. I guess I'm not sure how much of this I want to share.  We'll see how this goes...

I don't really know what to say about infertility.  Shaun and I knew we wanted to adopt, but we also had a deep desire to create life together, so we tried for two years. They were the toughest years for us, for many reasons.  We did everything we could for this dream of ours to become a reality. After trying on our own for a year, we went to a fertility a specialist and for several months I was poked and prodded, given shot and after shot, placed on hormones, in and out of doctor's offices, told good news, followed by bad news. The emotional toll was incredibly difficult.  We had moments of shear joy, quickly followed by waves of sorrow. We lost friends along way, I suppose because they didn't know how to handle our situation. I was very open in sharing what we were going through, the only purpose being because I needed so much support and encouragement. I guess they didn't know how to treat us, when they were bouncing a baby on their hip, or they had a a nice round belly. Funny thing is all we wanted was support, encouragement and to be treated the same.  I don't regret sharing what I was going through, because through that I realized who I needed to be leaning on for strength and encouragement--God.  And I did, and he provided. 

He was with me during my lowest moments, somehow in the midst of it giving me peace. He gave me a mom who was strong for me when I was weak, cried with me when I needed to cry, and laughed with me when I needed a good laugh. He gave me a dad who continued to teach me about faith, being faithful and what it means to place your trust in God....teaching me that whatever tomorrow brings, I will be okay because I have Jesus.  He provided friends and family who went through every step of it with us, friends who prayed for us and genuinely cared.  He gave me a husband, whose faith in God's plan taught me so much about him and our marriage. A husband who just loved me and continues to.

I wouldn't trade 1000 days of joy for the moments I went through in those two years, because it brought me closer to God and many others.  He continues to heal my heart, while I continue to place my trust in Him. 

One of many Third Day songs that I love.